


broke your heart, i'll put it back together

by fineh



Series: sincerity is scary [2]
Category: One Day at a Time (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Pining, an apology for the previous angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27465343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fineh/pseuds/fineh
Summary: “Schneider…”“No, you decided that ignoring me was easier than loving me.” Schneider lets out a shaky breath, “you weren’t the first but this time I’m going to sure you’re the last. You should go, Pen.” He turns his back on her and it feels final, too final.
Relationships: Penelope Alvarez/Schneider
Series: sincerity is scary [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1703497
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	broke your heart, i'll put it back together

**Author's Note:**

> So an unexpected day off led to this finally being completed (thanks tropical storm Eta.) I never had plans to write a part two but listening to T Swift and the 1975 always yields something new so here we are. 
> 
> Would definitely recommend you read part one first.

Life goes on.

It goes on for six months and Penelope gets better at being around Schneider and his girlfriend. And by being around them she means avoiding them. She starts studying at the on-campus library instead of her kitchen table where Schneider has the tendency to sit and ramble on about Jessica. She tried to be the supportive best friend. She really did try to reciprocate every enthusiastic nod and smile Schneider had ever given her but she couldn’t. Not when Schneider smiled unabashedly in a way she had never seen because of reasons that had nothing to do with her and everything to do with another woman.

Penelope longs for how things used to be. She misses seeing him early in the morning joking with her mami, annoying Elena with his un-wokeness and trading hairstyling tips with Alex. She misses the random movie nights and escapades, misses cycling just for the sake of it, misses jokingly kicking him out of her apartment. Their friendship has fallen into unanswered texts and worried glances she ignores as she rushes the kids out the door and when she tiptoes past her mami’s room, late at night she has to give her whispered reassurances that she’s fine and it’s just this organic chemistry class is kicking her ass this semester.

She can’t outrun her thoughts, they always catch up to her no matter how exhausted she might be. Her subconscious enjoys playing with her. Penelope’s dreams consist of love confessions in an empty apartment, languid kisses traded on her stained blue couch, lazy mornings, and cafecitos in bed. Mornings always bring reality and reality shatters the very tentative peace she finds in her fictional relationship with a man who has long been unattainable. 

//

The news of Schenider’s and Jessica’s breakup is delivered 4 months later over a nightcap when the kids are in bed or at least pretending to be asleep. Lydia studies her daughter, the subtle way her eyes jump from happiness to guilt and finally, sorrow. That millisecond of time is all she needs to confirm her suspicions, to put to rest the part of her that was worried Lupe’s mind was once again winning the war that was waged with pills Lydia would never understand but had learned to make peace with. 

“Penelope,” Lupe’s head snaps up because her mom never says her first name, not unless it’s something serious. “He’s going to need his best friend.” 

Her daughter nods and Lydia knows she understands. She just wishes Lupe had understood it before, had noticed the glances, the subtle breaking of appliances, and the pure look of adoration that had reminded her of a man in love, that had reminded her of her Berto. 

//

Once Penelope’s head stops spinning she’s debates the best way to check up on Schneider. He’s a grown man but she’ll never not be nervous for him, for his sobriety. In the end, it’s Schneider who reaches out first (not that he ever stopped reaching out, Penelope just stopped reaching back.) It takes them 5 months for things to go back to normal. The months didn’t make it easier but Penelope’s decided to just go with the flow, to lean into this feeling, and hide it beneath the rug of their friendship. She can almost go through the entire day without wondering what would happen if she just told the truth. She ignores the things she’s aching to do, looks away when she knows she’s falling too far.

\\\

If she had stopped looking away, maybe she would have noticed that Schneider was staring back.

//

In the end, it’s insomnia, a password, a music library, and a voice memo labeled ‘Schneider’ that in reality was meant for anyone but him. 

//

“I’m sorry.” The words are whispered to her one night in his apartment when it’s just them and the silence of midnight. 

Penelope turns away from the movie they’d been half-watching, a well-earned destresser for her. 

“For what?” 

“I hurt you.” He looks like he’s failed at the only thing he’s ever been good at but Schneider has always made her happiness his personal mission so she doesn’t know why he thinks he’s failed.

“I heard your voice memo,” he whispers, “your iCloud is synced to my computer.”

“You what?!” The blood rushes to her face, anger following right behind. “That--that wasn’t for you.” Her words weren’t for him to hear, weren’t for him to pity, weren’t supposed to escape the darkness of room or her mind. A stupid shared playlist wasn’t supposed to be her downfall.

“You sounded sad, I got worried, Penelope. Your mom has been worried, so have I, you were never around, and when you were it all felt like an act. Then you said my name and I couldn’t stop listening.” 

This is the worst thing that has ever happened to her. 

“I have to go.” She untangles herself from the blanket and Schneider’s neverending warmth.

“I didn’t ask you to walk away.” For the first time since she’s known him, Schnieder is mad. He’s standing there, hands on his hips, brow furrowed in anger watching Penelope increase the never-ending distance between them. “I didn’t ask you to make that decision for me Penelope. Contrary to what you might think, I’m a grown man who can make his own decisions, who is in control of his feelings, who has been in control of his feelings for you for the past three years. I never pegged you to be a coward.” 

He’s throwing her own words back at her and it sucks.

“I’m not a coward.”

“No, you’re just a shitty best friend.” There are months worth of missed phone calls of proof and yet Penelope is still indignant.

“How--”

“How dare I?” Schneider laughs, “I was next to you when Victor came back, I was here when you and Max were a thing. You think you’re the only person who’s ever had feelings they didn’t want?”

Surely he isn’t saying what Penelope thinks he’s saying. He was happy, he had Jessica, and before that he had Finn’s mom.

“Schneider…” 

“No, you decided that ignoring me was easier than loving me.” Schneider lets out a shaky breath, “you weren’t the first but this time I’m going to sure you’re the last. You should go, Pen.” He turns his back on her and it feels final, too final. 

Penelope leans her forehead on the door, how are you supposed to tell someone you love them when you feel like you’re one confession away from pulling them down with you? This feeling has been here the past year to remind her that she failed him. Penelope finally lets the mask fall the mask that worked so well it made Schneider feel like the most unlovable person in the world. 

Schneider, the man who put himself back together all by himself. Penelope had her mom, Elena, Alex, the girls from the group, and most importantly she had Schneider and his dog pictures. But who had his back when he was trying to get sober? She didn’t even have his back now. 

“I didn’t tell you I loved you because you were unworthy, it was because I’m not.” She turned to face him. “You deserve better than a depressed, anxiety-ridden, mother of two. You heard that voice memo, I’m a mess,” she motioned at her mascara stained face. “It was better to stay away. You were happy, who was I to take that away from you?”

“Penelope Alvarez, that has got to be the dumbest thing you’ve ever said. You don’t take things from people. You give them things like hope, a surrogate family, a second chance that no one else would dream of giving an addict.” Schneider’s eyes are glossy in the dimly lit apartment. “I happen to love that you’re a mess, it makes me feel safe, I don’t need to act around you. Pen, the day you opened the door all sleep-deprived and confused was the best day of my life and it’s only gotten better since then. It can get better if you want it to. I really hope you want it to and if you don’t we can eat Twix and pretend it never happened.” 

Penelope cracked a smile, “You had to listen to that voice message didn’t you.” 

“It was important,” Schneider said seriously, but there was a gleam in his eye that made Penelope weary. “So...I’m your best friend?” 

Penelope would never get tired of this man. “Shut up and kiss me.” 

“That’s how I imagined this going.” 

Penelope crosses Schneider’s obnoxiously large living room and tugs him down. “Me too.” 

When their lips connect for the first time it’s difficult for her to remember exactly why this was a bad idea. Schneider is warm and tastes of salt and butter from the popcorn he had insisted on popping in his fancy popcorn gadget. She melts against him, Schneider has always been solid and grounding, Penelope doesn’t think it’s going to be enough this time. Not when she feels like she could float away from sheer happiness. She snakes a hand down his back and revels in the hiss Schneider lets out when she grazes bare skin. 

“Pen,” his voice is hoarse, “we should stop.” Although she’s reluctant to step away, he’s right, they still have a lot of things to talk about. 

Schneider stares down at her through slightly unfocused eyes, “Lydia is gonna go crazy.”

“I’m kissing you and you’re thinking about my mom?”

“Sorry, it’s just that I’m finally an Alvarez!”

“I don’t want you to stop being Schneider.” She had seen his hobbies slowly disappear while with Jessica and hated every moment of it. “Promise me you’ll still be you.”

Schnieder kisses her, “I promise.” He tugs her back onto the couch, tucking the blanket in around them again. 

“I love you, Schnieder.”

A kiss is pressed to her forehead, “I love you too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> stay safe, stay home (if possible), and shout at me on [tumblr](http://finehs.tumblr.com)


End file.
